Don't. Let. Go.

i'm the kind of kid that can't let anything go

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It's been a while...
These things don't even exist anymore. Nobody reads them.

Last year around this time, nothing good was happening. Nothing bad either. I was desperately in search of a job and trying to do well in school, all while losing the only friendships I really had left. This year, things are a little different. This year, I'm crazy about someone who is 3,000 miles away. And I don't know how I managed to swindle myself into that, but I do know it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. It makes me work, makes me hurt, makes me realize how badly I really do want it. But it's not that easy. I thought it was, but it's not. And I knew this was going to happen. From the beginning, I knew. I don't know how or why, but there was something in my heart telling me something big was going to happen. I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend I didn't know, but it was too late. I was too far gone. And the biggest mess of it all is that I got exactly what I wanted. And now I have no idea what to do with it. Except for the fact that I'm losing it altogether, and still haven't the slightest idea what to do with it, or without it. It's so fucking scary and most of the time I hate the way I feel. You're too far away and I can't do anything about it. But I won't give up without a fight. A year ago, that's something I wouldn't have done. Somehow you've made the fight worthwhile. You can keep pushing me away, you can keep pulling away, but we both know this cannot be ignored. Don't even try to deny it. Sad to say, but I can wait. I'm not going anywhere. Sometimes we have to let ourselves be happy and look at the bigger picture. We've got to realize how short life is and that things can happen in the blink of an eye. You can't waste this time making things harder for yourself. It's easy. It can be done. Just let it be what it is. Give yourself a break.

This year, I have three of the most important people in my life. The people that keep me on my toes and tell me it's all going to be okay when I have the hardest time believing it. Maybe we don't have the average college kid's fun, but we make our own. We're busy, dealing with lousy people, tobacco, and now fruits :]. We work hard and play harder and enjoy the simple life we lead together.

Give me a little over a month and I'll get back to you.


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