Don't. Let. Go.

i'm the kind of kid that can't let anything go

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It used to be that I could spend friday nights alone, or any night really. I had finally gotten use to it. I liked it. It used to be that I had finally stopped writing in this stupid thing...I had no reason to. Until you. Now I feel like if I don't say something to someone I don't know what I'm gonna do. Sometimes I'm afraid of what I'll do when I'm alone, the things I'll think.

Recently it was that it didn't matter where the hell I was or what I was doing. All that mattered is that I had you. And you wanted to talk to me. And you thought I was someone worth talking to. It was that I preferred to be alone so all I could do was talk to you, because I had never had someone who I could have talked to for hours, days. I had never felt so complete, like nothing was missing.

It's not better to have loved and lost than to never love at all. That saying is a lie. I was fine before, without you. And now my heart just breaks over and over, and I'm reaching a point where the distractions are wearing thin. Sometimes I find it amazing that I even make it through the day. I don't want to ever feel like this again. I don't want to give as much as I have, and I don't want to let somebody in as much as I have. It's not worth the hurt. I just don't want to feel anything at all, unless it's you.

I miss my friend.


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