Don't. Let. Go.

i'm the kind of kid that can't let anything go

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Shoot me?

Is that too dramatic? Too dramatic for this emptiness that I feel everyday? I'm not over it. I won't be for a long time. Not until somebody better comes along, if you can imagine that. I hope you're happy. I turned out to be just another one of your girls. I'm sure you find enjoyment in fucking girls and making them fall in love with you. I can see how it can be an ego booster for the life you've led. There's this version of you that I have in my head, that I know is in you somewhere. I like to distinguish between where you came from and where you think you wanna go. It's two very different things and it's not just me who sees the fault, the blurry lines, in your eastern direction. I've seen the part of who you were, where you grew up and your roots, and I could have fallen in love with that person. I think I did. If you want me to say, I know I did. And so this doesn't help that you've completely deserted me. It doesn't help that I told you I was going to need you and you said you'd be there, because now I can't find you. I keep looking, but you're not there. And I still need you. I always will. I'll always need the late whispered good nights and the early good mornings, safe within your arms. I'll always need your beautiful face and blue eyes that use to reflect exactly what I was feeling. That's never going to change. The part that's really disappointing is that you're completely self-destructing. You did this. And somehow along the way you forgot that it wasn't just about you. My heart was in this too and that should have been your main focus. Maybe then you wouldn't have faltered. I have never let my heart get so big. I have never let someone in so deep. I trusted you to take care of it, of me, and I believed you would. I was wrong. You're just like everyone else and sometimes I don't know what I'm going to do if everyone turns out this way. It's so hard not to think about you and I find it so heart-wrenching that you don't give a damn about how I'm feeling. I gave you every single part of me, and what did I get in return? Tear soaked pillow cases and a sweater that I can't fall asleep without. I put myself out there and I fucking hurt every single day. It hurts all the time, and I find myself having to fill my life with distraction after distraction so that I don't have a chance to cry. And I never cry. I just never have. I can't count how many times I've cried myself to sleep in the last month. You took back the Christmas present you gave me, you ruined my birthday, and you destroyed any thought of hope I had for love. But I hope you're happy. I do, because I always want you to have what you want. And that's what I've done..given you exactly what you've wanted. Wasn't that nice of me?


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